WARNING: This story features nudity, and innuendos. Read at your own risk. If you do not like nudity or innuendos, I advise to not read this. For those under the age of 10, I advise them to not read this.
Rigby: This is so embarrassing.
Mordecai: Yeah, but, I'm pretty sure nobody will notice you.
(A mother and child are walking past M & R.)
Child: Mommy, what's that brown thing?
Mother: That's a raccoon...... a pudgy one! Hahahahahahhaha!
Rigby: Hey, I'm not pudgy!
Child: Shut up, baby!
Mother: That's my son.
(The two walk away.)
Rigby: Mordecai, am I pudgy?
Mordecai: What?! No! Those two people were just loons.
(Two teenage girls walk by M & R.)
Girl #1: What the H is that?!
Girl #2: You dope, didn't you learn anything in nature class? It's a raccoon.............one of the pudgiest of It's kind.
Girl #2: Ooh, I'm so scared!
Girl #1: Hey, look up.
Girl #1: Just look up.
(Girl #1 flips her finger on Rigby's head.)
Girl #1: Ha, made ya look!
Girl #2: Let's go, we need to spend our weekend wisely, not with some weird raccoon.
(The girls go away.)
Rigby: Mordecai, tell me the truth, am I pudgy?
Mordecai: Well, a little.
Rigby: I'm fat! That's that!
Mordecai: Rigby, don't let them get to you.
Rigby: Stop sugarcoating, Mordecai! I'm fat!
(Rigby runs to the Men's room.)
Mordecai: Rigby, wait!
(Rigby is in the bathroom. He is washing his face with the water from a sink.)
Man: (Comes out of stall.) Hey, this bathroom is for men, not sissy, pudgy raccoons! Get out of here! Go to the little sissy's bathroom. Hahahhahaha!
(The man kicks Rigby out of the bathroom.)
Rigby: That's it! I'll never show my face in public again!
(Rigby runs away.)
(Cut to The Park. Rigby is in his room crying on his trampoline.)
Rigby: Stupid jerks! I'll kill them!
Mordecai:(Knocking on door, voice only.):Rigby, are you okay?
Rigby: No! Because I'm fat!
Mordecai:(Voice only.): Rigby, for the billionth time, don't listen to them! They don't know who they're talking to!
Rigby: But It's true, Mordecai. I'll just wallow and die of misery.
Mordecai:(Voice only.): Come on, Rigby! Let it go! It's almost dinner, and were having pizza!
Rigby: Who gives a crap about pizza?
Mordecai:(Voice only.):But that's you're favorite food!
Rigby: Not anymore. I'll never eat again.
Mordecai:(Voice only.): Rigby, I don't have time for this!
Rigby: Then go!
Mordecai:(Voice only.): Fine, I will! Enjoy you're pity party!
(Mordecai walks downstairs into the kitchen where the others are eating pizza.)
Benson: What did he do this time?
Mordecai: Well, thanks to some people at the mall, Rigby is convinced he's fat. Ugh.
Pops: Poor Rigby.
Muscle Man: Hey, I know someone who can help Rigby's problem.
Everyone except Muscle Man: You're mom?
Muscle Man: No, my dad! He's a psychologist! Why did you all think it was my mom?!
Everyone except Muscle Man: Ugh.............
Benson: Well, do you know his phone number?
Muscle Man: Oh, yeah, I forgot, he's been dead for twenty years.
Benson(Sarcastic.): Thanks for the help, Muscle Man.
Muscle Man: No prob. Anyway, I gotta use it and head to me and Fives' trailer. See ya!
Everyone except Muscle Man and Hi Five Ghost: Bye.
(Muscle Man and High-Five Ghost leave.)
Benson: Anyway, what are we going to do?
Mordecai: I don't know.
Benson: Me neither.
Pops: I'm afraid I can't fix this conundrum.
Skips: Me either.
Mordecai: I guess we'll let Rigby do whatever he wants I guess.
(Rigby is sitting in the living room on the couch.)
Rigby: Maybe some TV will help my pudginess.
(An advertisement on the TV appears. A man in a suit appears.)
Man on TV: Hey, are you called pudgy and fat?
Man on TV: Are you tired of being called pudgy?
Man on TV: Well, this is the place for you! (Rips off suit revealing large biceps, muscles, and a six-pack.)
Man on TV: Amazed, huh? Look at these manly biceps. And these manly muscles. And this manly six-pack. A long time ago, I weighed 500 pounds and in a unhealthy state. I was depressed. (Shows ladies disgusted by him.) Then, I saw this ad on TV saying I could get these manly muscles in under thirty minutes. It worked, and look at my attractive build. (The same ladies all touch his muscles.)
Announcer on TV: Side effects may include: Stiffness, enlarged ego, flappy muscles, and all that boring stuff. Call now! That's 555-555-555! Note: This could be a scam. Forget that last part! Call now!
Rigby: I have to get this.
(Rigby then gets the phone and calls the number.)
Rigby: Hello. I would like to get some awesome pecs!
Man:(Voice only.): You'll get some pecs all right!
(Cut to the gym. Rigby is wearing the leotard the Bodiless Consciousness wore in his body in Rigby's Body.)
Rigby: Ugh! Why do I have to wear this leotard?! It makes my junkmail noticeable!
Man: Do you want pecs or not?
Rigby: Huh...... yes.
Man: Than no complainin'!
Rigby: Ugh...... fine.
(A montage shows Rigby exercising in different ways. Rigby is doing sit ups which he fails at. He then uses his tail to substitute for head lifts, but fails at that, too. The man becomes frustrated.)
Man: Ugh, you're worthless!
Rigby: Hmm........... you sound familiar.
Man: No I don't! You're the worst student I ever had!
Rigby: No! Come on, please?! I just want some pecs.
Man: Hmm......... okay, fine. Sign here, here, here, here, here, here, here, and here. With this, you agree to have pecs and not have your consciousness in you're body.
Man: Oh, nothing. Enough chit-chat. Let's get to work.
(Rigby is lifting weights.)
Rigby: Hey, this isn't as bad as I thought.
Man:(Too himself.) Perfect. He's falling for it. Soon, I can ditch this mockery of a bod and get a new, sexy one.
Rigby: Wow, you sure talk to you're self a lot.
Man: Never mind that. I'll get you a sports drink for all you're hard work.
(The man puts in "Liquid Fast Working Steroids" and "Liquid Consciousness Switcher" in to the "sports drink.")
(The man walks to Rigby.)
Man: Here you go. Enjoy.
(Rigby drinks the whole thing.)
Rigby: Why did you just laugh?
Man: No reason.
(Rigby starts to transform into a muscular person.)
Rigby: Huh! Muscles! (Flexes them.) Six-pack! (Moves the six-pack.) Biceps! (Flexes them.) And, pecs! Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you! I'll show them who's muscular! (Kisses all his muscles.)
Man: Not quite.
Man: Oh, nothing.
Rigby: Well, thank you! Now I'm beautiful, like I already was, and sexy!
Man: Yes, indeed. I love those words!
Rigby: Okay............... well, can I hang here for the night? My new sexy bod needs some rest!
Man: Yes! (Too himself.) Oh! I need that succulent and sexy bod!
Rigby: What the H is wrong with you? And who's bod?
Man: Yes, I am very eccentric. And, not important.
Rigby: Okay then. Well, I should head off to bed, so, night, person I don't know.
Man:(Too himself.): Yes, good that way I'll get a beautiful and irresistible bod! How I want to be in a muscular, beautiful body, not this light weight, man in suit, frail body. Well, only an hour until it happens. Hahhahahahha.
Rigby:(Sleeping): Oh, you want to touch my sexy, irresistible bod? Okay, just be soft. It makes my fur tickle.
Man: What a weirdo. Huh! It's 12:00 AM!
(A green circle circles around Rigby and the man.)
Man: Hahahhahahahahah! Yes! The time is here!
Rigby:(Waking up.):Huh? Wha?
Man: You're such a dimwit! Hahahhahahahah!
Man: You aren't the brightest one in the world, are you?
Rigby: Well, I have an IQ of 30. Is that good?
(The man facepalms his face.)
Man: You honestly don't remember me? I have the same voice, personality, and say the say things that a previous enemy did. Now do you get it?
Rigby: Uhh............. were you that otter?
Man: Ugh! It's me! Remember, when you were a bodiless consciousness?
Rigby: Oh, now I remember you. Wait, what's going on?!
Man: You'll find out just about now! Hahhahahahhah!
(Rigby and the Bodiless Consciousness get out of their bodies and go to the other.)
Rigby: Wait, what just happened?
Bodiless Consciousness: This happened! Hahahhahahahha! Now this body is not only irresistible, It now has a sexy voice! Hhahahahhahah!
(The Bodiless Consciousness and Rigby have had there consciousnesses switched. The consciousness is in Rigby's body, and vice versa for Rigby.)
Rigby: Awwwwww! I'm................ not sexy anymore! Noooooooooooooooo!!!!!! No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no! My cute, beautiful, lovable face, my adorable, attractive black nose! My beautiful whiskers! My warm, invigorating fur! My cute tail! My sexy body! All gone! (Cries.)
Bodiless Consciousness: Ah, shut it, already. If you need me, I'll be at the mall, to get the ladies. Rawr.
Rigby: No! Give me back my body!
Bodiless Consciousness: Nope.
Bodiless Consciousness: Nope, sorry. Not. (Flicks Rigby's new body.) Hahahhahahahahhah! Hey, before I go, I should damage a part of you're body. How about you're kisser?
Rigby: No, not the beautiful face!
Bodiless Consciousness: Okay, how about the baby maker?
Rigby: No, not the gorgeous groin!
Bodiless Consciousness: Ugh, I don't have time for this. The ladies are calling. See ya, loser! Hhahahahhahahah!
(The Bodiless Consciousness runs away.)
Rigby: I'm screwed.
(Cut to The Park.)
Mordecai: Ugh, where is Rigby? I haven't seen him all day.
Benson: Yeah, me either.
Mordecai: I'm worried about him.
Benson: Yeah, he may be an annoying, no good, slacker, he still makes The Park, the park, ya know?
Mordecai: Yeah. We need to find him.
(Cut to the gym.)
Rigby: Great. That freak has my pecs. I need to get him, but, how?
(Rigby looks around and finds nothing.)
Rigby: Ugh, I guess I'll run.
(Rigby runs away.)
(Cut to the mall.)
(The Bodiless Consciousness is showing off his muscles.)
Man: Ew, that man looks grotesque.
Woman: Yeah, I agree. Yuck.
Bodiless Consciousness: Ah, shut ya holes!
Bodiless Consciousness: Come on, anyone wanna kiss my babies?
Roxi: Hey, Kaite, look at that raccoon.
Kaitlyn: Ew, he looks gross.
Roxi: Yeah, he does.
Bodiless Consciousness: Hey, you two!
Bodiless Consciousness: Come over here and kiss my babies, the adrenaline they get after there kissed makes them pulse.
Roxi: Ew, no!
Kaitlyn: Yeah, gross!
Bodiless Consciousness: I'll pay you each one hundred dollars.
(Waves two dollar bills worth one hundred with Benjamin Franklin's face on it.)
Kaitlyn and Roxi: Deal.
(Kaitlyn and Roxi go to the Bodiless Consciousness.)
(The two touch his muscles.)
Bodiless Consciousness: That's right. Give daddy some sugar. Now kiss them.
Kaitlyn: Ugh, I'm really gonna regret this, but.... I want money.
Roxi: Yeah, me two.
(Kaitlyn and Roxi kiss his muscles while covering there mouths after kissing them to not puke.)
Kaitlyn: Okay, why did I just do that?!
Bodiless Consciousness: Oh yeah, the pulse, it really makes my whole body vibrant.
Roxi: What is wrong with you?! You're disgusting!
Bodiless Consciousness: True, but I'm still sexy!
Roxi: Ugh, let's go Kaite, so I can wash my mouth.
Kaitlyn: Oh well, at least we have one hundred dollars.
(Kaitlyn and Roxi look at their dollars and see "Joke's On You Inc. You just got pranked!" at the bottom.)
Bodiless Consciousness: Hahhahahahhahahah! Counterfeit!
(Roxi stomps towards the Bodiless Consciousness.)
Kaitlyn: Roxi, wait!
Roxi: No, Kaite, I need to teach this jerk a lesson.
(Roxi still stomps towards the Bodiless Consciousness.)
Roxi: That is not how you treat a woman, weirdo! (Slaps the Bodiless Consciousness in the face.)
Bodiless Consciousness: Ow...............
Roxi: Shut up. Come on, Kaite, we're leaving. I'm never going to this mall again.
(Kaitlyn and Roxi exit the mall.)
Bodiless Consciousness: That Roxi sure can slap.
(Rigby is still running.)
Rigby: Man, how do humans wear these things?
(Rigby rips the suit and clothes off, making him completely naked.)
(Scene shows the behind of Rigby.)
Rigby: Aw yeah, there's the breeze.
(Rigby runs now very fast.)
Rigby: Aw yeah, the breeze accelerates!
(An old woman passes by.)
Rigby: Hey, lady!
Old Woman: Oh, good Heavens!
(Old Woman becomes unconscious.)
(Rigby runs on the road where cars are.)
Rigby: Hey, random people!
(Everyone stops driving their cars and crashes into each other.)
(Rigby runs by Eileen.)
Rigby: Hey, Ellen! How's the weather?
(Rigby runs away from Eileen.)
Eileen: Hmm........... that guy sounded like Rigby and called me Ellen. Must be a coincidence. Rigby would never run in the nude.
Rigby: Hey, this body isn't so bad after all!
(Rigby continues running until he's in the mall.)
Rigby(Thinking): That's right, I'm a genius.
Everyone except Rigby: Hahahahhahahahahahahhahahahah!
Child: Mommy, what is that man doing?
Mother: Don't look at him, honey!
(Shields the child's eyes.)
Rigby: Shut up! This is how we were born! See the masterpiece known as man.
Mother: And then you can see the masterpiece known as puke.
Rigby: Ugh! I don't have time for this!
(Rigby continues to run.)
(Rigby reaches the Bodiless Consciousness.)
Rigby: Hey, give my body back!
Bodiless Consciousness(Sarcastic): Hey, uhh, I'm not sure, but, I think you're baby maker's showing! Hahahahahahahah! You're such an idiot! Also, you were right, you're fur does tickle. Aw yeah.
Rigby: Oh, am I? Because, on the Consciousness Switcher's expiration date, it expires today.
Bodiless Consciousness: Oh..........crap.
(Rigby and the Bodiless Consciousness change back.)
Rigby(Flexing his muscles): Now who's the idiot?
(Bodiless Consciousness covers his "area" with a plant and runs away.)
(Mordecai and all the other workers see Rigby.)
Mordecai: Oh, there you are, Rigby. Wow, you got some pecs.
Rigby: I know! Now I'll be a beast!
(Rigby reads on the "Fast Working Steroids" label.)
Rigby: Expires today?!
(Rigby turns back to normal.)
Rigby: Aw man.