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Synopsis[]

After losing rock, paper, scissors to Mordecai, Rigby must go on a date with Eileen.

Characters present[]

  • Rigby (central character)
  • Eileen (central character)
  • Mordecai
  • Margaret
  • French restaurant waiter
  • Guests at the French restaurant
  • Fatty Foods worker
  • Priest (imagination sequence only)
  • Churchgoers (imagination sequence only)

Notes[]

  • The title is a reference to the 1981 film My Dinner with Andre.
  • This fanfic is set anywhere between the season 2 and season 3 timeline (it was written in January 2012 when the third season was airing new episodes), as Rigby was still apprehensive about Eileen.

Transcript[]

(Mordecai and Rigby are sitting at their usual table at The Coffee Shop.)

Mordecai: Yeah-yuh! Margaret and Eileen are here! Gonna hit on Eileen?

Rigby: Shut up! I don't even like her! She's such a pest!

Mordecai: What?! Eileen's actually pretty cool. I mean, you get extra coffee, grilled cheese sandwiches and she even made a cake in chocolate with your face for your birthday!

Rigby: But that's so creepy!

Mordecai: I wouldn't mind if Margaret did that.

(Mordecai imagines Margaret making a blueberry cake with his face on it.)

Mordecai: Mmm.

Margaret: Hey, Mordecai.

Mordecai: Uh..... hi, Margaret!

Eileen: Hey, Rigby!

(Margaret and Eileen are whispering to each other.)

Margaret: Gonna hit on him?

Eileen: I will. Don't worry. (stops whispering and gestures to Rigby) Uh..... Rigby, you don't have to do this, but.....uh.....can you go on a date with me?!

Rigby: Ewwwww! No!

Eileen: (wipes tear) It-it's all right. Excuse me, I have to powder up!

(Eileen runs away, crying in the bathroom.)

Margaret: Wow, Rigby! You're a jerk!

Mordecai: Yeah, I can't believe you! Oh wait, I can! You know what, let's play rock, paper, scissors. If you lose, you have to go on a date with Eileen.

Rigby: Rock, paper, scissors!

(Mordecai and Rigby play Rock, paper, scissors, with Rigby losing.)

Rigby: Ugh!

Mordecai: Go ahead, Casanova! Apologize and go on a date.

Rigby: Whatever.

(Eileen is still in the ladies room.)

(The scene switches from Rigby to Eileen, with Rigby overhearing Eileen from the bathroom door.)

Eileen: He doesn't even notice me! I'm such a loser!

Rigby: Umm...., "Ellen"?

Eileen: Yes?

Rigby: I'm sorry. I'll go on a date with you.

Eileen: Really?

Rigby: (slaps himself and speaks angrily) Yes!

(Eileen gasps and screams, and runs out of the ladies' room.)

Eileen: Do the rest of my shift, Margaret!

Margaret: No prob!

(Eileen then runs home.)

Mordecai: Enjoy your date! Haha!

Rigby: (sarcastic) Hilarious.

(The scene switches between Rigby, who is raking leaves with Mordecai, and Eileen, who is at home in her room, reflecting their feelings on the upcoming date.)

Rigby: I can't believe....

Eileen: I'm going on a date with........

R&E: Him/her!

(Eileen is staring at her shrine of Rigby.)

Eileen: Oh, Rigby, it's finally happening!

Rigby: I hate you! (punches Mordecai, which does nothing)

Mordecai: Dude, it's only a date! It's not like you're getting married!

(Rigby imagines he and Eileen are getting married at church.)

Priest: Do you take this raccoon to be your lawfully married husband?

Eileen: Yes! Yes! Yes! A million times yes!

Priest: And do you take this mole to be your lawfully married wife?

Rigby: I don't!

People at the Wedding reception: (gasp)

Rigby: I'm only twenty-three!

Eileen: Come on, "Riggy-wiggy"! You know you want to!

Rigby: Bleh! "Riggy-wiggy"!? I'm outta here!

Eileen: Wait! Did I tell you that fifteen year olds marry?

Rigby: No! I don't care!

(Rigby's imaginary story ends. Back to reality, Rigby shudders.)

Mordecai: Dude, stop overreacting!

Rigby: How would you know? You've never been on a date with a pest!

Mordecai: You're on your own with the date, dude!

Rigby: Some friend you are!

(A screen appears saying "That Night".)

(Rigby is on the couch relaxing before looking at his watch to check the time.)

Rigby: (sarcastic) Oh, great! It's eight.

(The doorbell is heard, and Rigby proceeds to open the door.)

Eileen: Uh...... hi, Rigby.

(Eileen is wearing a purple dress.)

Rigby: Whoa! Nice dress!

Eileen: (blushes) Thanks. I also got you a suit.

Rigby: What?!

Eileen: Well, Rigby, you can't be in the nude where we're going.

Rigby: No! Never!

(Rigby tries to run away from Eileen on all fours.)

Eileen: That's what I like about you, Rigby! You're the thrill of the chase!

(Cut to Mordecai and Rigby's room.)

Rigby: Ugh! I hate wearing clothes! This suit sucks! It's making my butt itchy!

Eileen: Ah! Your one cheek butt!

Rigby: What?!

Eileen: Nothing!

Rigby: So, "Eleanor", where are we going?

Eileen: A French restaurant! France is the country of love!

Rigby: Ewwwww! I don't want to eat snails!

Eileen: (chuckling) Rigby, there are more choices for food. Like steak tartar!

Rigby: What's that?

Eileen: Raw meat!

(Rigby covers his mouth. He then runs to the bathroom.)

(Cut to the French restaurant.)

Eileen: Okay, Rigby, what do you want to eat?

Rigby: I don't know any of these foods! The only French food I know is french fries!

Eileen: Seriously, what do you want?

Rigby: What does fromage mean?

Eileen: Cheese or a cheese course.

Rigby: Oh, I'll have that!

Waiter: Bonjour, monsieur and madame. What will you be having tonight?

Eileen: I'll be having the steak tartar.

Rigby: And, fromage, I guess.

Waiter: Oh! Tres bien. Your order will be here soon enough.

(Later....)

Rigby: Umm...... blue cheese?! (pukes)

Waiter: (angrily) Hmm!

Eileen: (nervously chuckles)

(Rigby is using a fork to scratch his butt.)

Eileen: Eww! Rigby!

Rigby: Hey! I told you this suit's itchy!

Eileen: Well, please stop using your fork! It's disgusting!

Waiter: (clears throat loudly and purposely to express his distaste)

Rigby: I can't take this any more!

(Rigby rips off his suit.)

Rigby: Ah! That's much better! It's good to let the old junkmail breath once in a while!

(A person pukes in disgust.)

Eileen: (whispering) Rigby! As much as I like your junkmail, that was beyond disgusting!

Rigby: Whatever!

Waiter: That's it! You two are grotesque! Au revoir!

(The waiter throws Rigby and Eileen out of the restaurant.)

Eileen: There goes our date.

Rigby: Don't worry, "Erica". I know a place.

(Cut to the Fatty Foods restaurant)

Eileen: Fatty Foods?

Rigby: Yeah! Burgers, fries, chicken. Mmm!

Eileen: But, Rigby, burgers are so artery clogging!

Rigby: So?

Eileen: So, you could have a myocardial infarction!

(Rigby stares.)

Eileen: Heart attack!

Rigby: Whatever! I'm hungry!

Eileen: (sighs)

(Rigby and Eileen go inside the restaurant.)

Rigby: Hey, do you have any meatball subs?

Worker: No, we don't.

Rigby: That sucks! I guess we'll get the fatty burgers, fatty dip, fatty chicken, fatty soda.....

Eileen: (sighs, playing around with her food)

(Later, Rigby is eating his and Eileen's food.)

Rigby: Mm, these chicken fries are so good. Thanks for letting me have them, "Evelyn".

Eileen: (in a sad voice) Yeah, you're welcome.

Rigby: What's wrong, "Emma"?

Eileen: Nothing.

Rigby: Okay. Wanna try the fatty fries?

Eileen: No thanks.

Rigby: (eating with his mouth open) So, anyway, the reason I'm here is because I lost rock, paper, scissors to Mordecai and had to go on this date. Funny story, huh?

Eileen: Wait, so... you didn't really want to go on a date with me?

Rigby: Yep. You okay, "Erin"?

Eileen: It's Eileen!

(Eileen runs away to the ladies' room, crying.)

(Rigby follows on all fours, and overhears what Eileen says through the bathroom door.)

Eileen: (crying) What was I thinking?! Rigby is such a jerk! Why do I even bother.... (cries more)

Rigby: Am I really a jerk?

(Rigby remembers the things he said earlier in the episode.)

Rigby: (thinking, with the words echoing) She's such a pest! Ewwwwww! No! Yes! I don't! Bleh! "Riggy-wiggy"?! No! I don't care! You've never been on a date with a pest!

(Rigby is in the present again.)

Rigby: Wow. I'm a total A. I better apologize. Uhh, Eileen?

Eileen: What?! Are you going to kill me!?

Rigby: Look, I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. Look, how about we re-do the date tomorrow, at the French restaurant?

Eileen: Really?

Rigby: I'm positive.

Eileen: Yes!

(A screen appears saying "The Next Day".)

Rigby: This is pretty delicious! You know... I was wrong about you. You're not a pest, you're pretty... cool. (smiles)

Eileen: Oh, thanks Rigby! That's so sweet! (thinking) Rigby thinks I'm cool! I can't believe this is happening... in the good way!

(Romantic music plays as the episode ends.)

(A screen appears stating "The End".)

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