WARNING: This story shows innuendos, and suggestional scenes. Read at your own risk. If yo do not like innuendos or suggestional scenes, I advise to not read this. For those under the age of 10, I advise them to not read this.
(Margaret and Eileen are walking on the street to work.)
Eileen: Oh, Margaret, isn't Rigby such a cutie?
Margaret: Yeah, I guess.
Eileen: I also like when he doesn't shave and keep his whiskers. It makes me squeal.
Margaret: That's nice, Eileen.
Eileen: I like how Rigby-.
Margaret: Eileen, I'm not trying to be mean, but, there's other things to talk about besides Rigby. Like Mordecai, and golf, and my dad.
Eileen: Oh, sorry, Margaret. I just like him.
Margaret: Yeah, I know.
Eileen: I'll try not to ramble.
(They walk into The Coffee Shop and notice Mordecai and Rigby.)
Rigby: Yo, skirts. Hungry. Now.
Margaret: Excuse me, but, we have names.
Eileen: You can call me whatever you want Rigby.
Rigby: Yeah, yeah. Nag, nag.
Margaret(Angrily): What do you want to eat?
Rigby: Food! Duh!
Margaret(Angrily): What do you want to eat?
Rigby: Just give me food! The Rigster is hungry!
(Margaret and Eileen head into the kitchen.)
Margaret: Eileen, I don't understand why you like Rigby so much. He's an egotisitical, self-centered, jerk!
Eileen: But he's my jerk.
Margaret: Okay then, Eileen.
Eileen: Did you enjoy you're meal, Rigby?
Rigby: Yep. But, me and Mordecai should get going.
Eileen: Okay, see you soon, Rigby!
Rigby: I hope not.
(Eileen notices Rigby's butt.)
Eileen: Aahhh! His butt is so attractive!
Margaret: Whatever you say Eileen......
Eileen: So attractive, I toke a picture of it!
(Pulls out a picture of Rigby's butt.)
Margaret: Umm... how did you get a picture of Rigby's butt?
Eileen: I have my methods.
(Cuts to Rigby in the bathroom, sitting on the toilet, where he is reading a comic book. He hears a flash. He looks around him, finding nothing. He then goes back to reading comic book.)
Margaret: Umm.......... Eileen, that's really creepy you toke pictures of his butt.
Eileen: Okay, it might be a little obsessive.
Margaret: A little?! It's flat out scary! You're in love with a guy who hates you, treats you like crap, who doesn't notice you, and he gets all this special treatment!
Eileen: You know something Margaret............. you're absolutely right. He treats me like dirt, while I treat him nicely! It's not fair! Screw Rigby!
Margaret: That's the Eileen I know and love!
Eileen: I can't believe I liked this jerk. (Rips picture of his butt.)
Margaret: Oh, thank goodness you ripped it. Looking at his butt is nauseating.
Eileen: I couldn't agree more. Now if you excuse me, I'm going home to get rid of all my Rigby stuff.
Margaret: Now that's Eileen.
(Cuts to Eileen in her house, getting rid of Rigby related stuff.)
(Eileen looks at a picture of Rigby with an eyebrow raised and an open smile.
Eileen: You pig!
(Throws the picture on the ground, breaking it.)
(Eileen stomps on the picture.)
Eileen: That good for nothing slob!
(Eileen looks at her shrine.)
Eileen: Get outta my face!
(Throws the shrine across the room and breaks it.)
Eileen: That's better. Now my house is cleared from that jerk.
(A screen that says "The Next Day" appears.)
Rigby: Hey, Ellen.
Eileen: Hi, Rugby.
Rigby: Wait! Woah, woah, woah! Nobody insults the Rigster and gets away with it!
Eileen: Well I did get away with it.
Rigby: Shouldn't you be going "Oh my gosh, Rigby, you're so cute!" or "Rigby, you're the sexiest man alive!" or something like that? Of course, I am most definetly the second one.
Eileen: That was the old me. This is the new. You know what they say, out with the old, in with the new.
Rigby: What?! You gotta love the Rigster! He's the Rigster!
Eileen: Right. Well, I'm busy, so, get out of my way.
Rigby: No! I can't be had! I'll show Eileen! She'll love me again!
(Rigby is seen wearing clothes; A purple shirt saying "I'm Awesome" in brown, and black pants.)
Rigby: Yeah. This is irresastable.
Mordecai: Rigby?! You're wearing clothes?!
Rigby: Yeah, so?
Mordecai: But you hate wearing clothes.
Rigby: I don't care! I just want attention!
Mordecai: Okay, then are you ready to go?
Rigby: Yep. Eileen will be all over me.
(Cut to the Coffee Shop.)
Rigby: Hey, Eileeneroonie! Check me out! Sexy, am I right?
Eileen: No, not really.
Rigby: Yes it is! Look at the brown! It's you're favorite color!
Eileen: Used to be my favorite color. My new favorite color is red.
(Rigby starts to itch.)
Rigby: Ugh! This is so itchy!
Mordecai: I told you not to wear clothes.
(Mordecai takes a sip from his coffee.)
Rigby: Come on, you gotta admit, aren't I stunning in these unbearablly itchy clothes?
Rigby: Ughhhhhh! My butt is so itchy! Somebody, get me a fork!
Mordecai: Why a fork?
Rigby: Just give me a dang fork!
Mordecai: Okay, okay.
(Mordecai gives Rigby a fork.)
(Rigby scratches his butt with the fork very fast.)
Rigby: Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww. That's better.
(Rips his pants.)
Rigby: There, my gorgeous groin and beautiful butt can breath. Sexy, huh, Eileen?
Eileen: Not really.
Rigby: Whatever. I'm gonna go, so my girls can get some fresh air.
Eileen: You do that.
(Rigby walks outside.)
Rigby: It's okay girls, you can breath now.
(Rigby is in the bathroom again putting on cologne. Rigby then sprits the cologne on his armpits.)
Rigby(Sniffs armpits): Ah! This stuff will get Eileen.
Mordecai: Augh, what's that smell?
Rigby: The smell of victory, Mordecai, because Eileen will be wooed this time.
Mordecai(Sarcastic): Yeah, because last time went so well.
Rigby: Whatever! I'll get her this time!
Mordecai: Seriously, what is that smell? It smells like a skunk in here.
Rigby: That's because It's au naturelle musk. How a raccoon should smell. (Sniffs armpit.) Aaahhhhhh!
Mordecai: Dude, you're sick! That stuff smells awful!
Rigby: Whatever! Get out of my way! (Sniffs armpit.) Aahhhhh!
Rigby: Yo, Eileen. Don't I smell (Sniffs armpit), good?
Eileen(Covers nose): That stuff smells nasty!
Rigby: No it doesn't, here, smell my armpit, It smells so powerful.
Eileen: No, get away from me!
Rigby: No, come on, smell!
Eileen: You smell it first!
Rigby: Okay, fine!
(Smells his armpit really hard.)
(Rigby falls down, uncounciousness.)
Eileen: Nice try. (Covers her mouth and runs to the bathroom.)
Rigby: Hey, Eileen.
Eileen: Yes, Rigby?
Rigby: You can go ahead and touch my tail. It's fluffy.
Rigby: What?! You love my tail! In fact, It has a mind of It's own.
(Rigby makes his tail move and tickle Eileen.)
Eileen: Hahahhahah, Rigby, stop!
Rigby: Don't blame me. I told you, It has a mind of It's own.
Eileen: You know what really has a mind of It's own?
Eileen: My fist!
(Eileen punches Rigby right in the face.)
(Rigby is in a daze and has teeth falling out of his mouth.)
Rigby(dazzed): Wow, is it yester-morning already?
(Rigby falls down.)
(Rigby is in the bathroom.)
Mordecai: Hey, Rigby, are you done ye-.
(Mordecai notices Rigby has whiskers.)
Mordecai: Rigby?! I thought you always shaved you're whiskers.
Rigby: Not anymore. They make me attractive.
Mordecai: If you say so.
(Cut to the Coffee Shop.)
Rigby: Aren't my whiskers, well, attractive?
Rigby: But you love my whiskers. Go ahead. Touch them.
(Eileen pulls Rigby's whiskers off.)
Eileen: You did say touch them.
(Rigby walks away.)
Rigby: Hey, Eileen!
Eileen: What now?
(Rigby does pelvic thrusts.)
Rigby: Does my mad dance skills entice you?
Eileen: No. You're not even dancing.
Rigby: Oh yes I am!
(Rigby still does pelvic thrusts.)
(Eileen kicks him in his "area".)
(Cut to outside.)
Rigby(Voice only): Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
(Cut to Rigby in the hospital.)
Rigby: Is the ointment working yet?
Mordecai: I hope so.
Rigby: Crap! It isn't! Get the ointment, please.
(Mordecai rubs the ointment on him.)
Mordecai: Thank goodness I'm wearing gloves.
Rigby: Come on! Faster, gramma!
Mordecai: Rigby, just give it up. Eileen obviously doesn't care about you anymore.
Rigby: But she needs to!
Mordecai: Unless you want to be in a wheelchair, I'd reccommend just leaving her alone. Why do you even care about her anyway? You didn't until she stopped loving you.
Rigby: But everyone loves the Rigster! Everyone!
Mordecai: Okay, Rigby. But don't come crying to me at you're funeral.
Rigby: I must get Eileen to love me!
(Cut to later. Rigby is heading to Eileen's house.)
(Rigby is in a suit with a box of chocolates and a bouqet of flowers.)
Rigby: Hey, Eileen.
Eileen: Ugh, just leave me alone!
Rigby: Look, can we just talk?
(The two head to Eileen's living room.)
Rigby: I got you a box of chocolates and a bou-whatever of flowers.
Eileen: Oh, i know something that will help.
(Eileen shoves the box of chocolates in his face and Eileen stomps on the flowers.)
Rigby: Dude, why do you hate me?
Eileen: It's just that-ugh, never mind. You wouldn't understand.
Rigby: No, go ahead.
Eileen: (Starts to cry): You never paid attention to me and when you did, you didn't care. You didn't care about me and you treated my love for you like trash. You have never supported me and you were such a jerk! How does it feel, huh?!
Rigby: Look, I'm really sorry. I know I did all that stuff, but I didn't mean to on purpose. I love you and only you and I don't want to lose you! Can you forgive me?
Eileen: Aw........ you really..... (Blushes): Love me?!
Rigby: Of course I do.
(Eileen clings onto Rigby.)
Eileen: I love love love love love you so so so so so much! (Kisses Rigby.)
Rigby: (Whispers to audinence): Works every time.
(Cut to later at the Coffee Shop.)
Eileen: Here you go, king!
Rigby: Yeah, yeah.
(Rigby winks to the audience.)